I've been overwhelmed lately. In the spring I auditioned for a show at the Civic, and got a part. We opened this past Friday, had a great audience, a fun show, and I'm looking forward to two more weekends of performances. This is, however, the first big part I've had in a show in eight years and it was definitely a stressful process. I'm no longer used to memorizing lines or tight, three-part harmonies with choreographed pseudo-ballet movement attached. I've really spent a lot of the rehearsal process re-learning how to be a performer, among other things.
A little over two weeks ago, I applied for the temporary master electrician job at the same theatre. I've now held that position for a week and a half, and while I'm not as stressed out as I thought I'd be going in, I'm still not used to thinking about the lighting for three shows at once, plus setting up for a fundraiser event. And I have an intern. As in, I'm someone's BOSS. It's crazy! I'm worried because I don't have a whole ton of experience, but they knew that when they hired me.
Two days ago, I got an email from one of the board members at Farmers Alley asking if I'd stage manage a two-day gala-type event that he and his family are wanting to put on in the space in November.
I also have nearly 1200 wedding photos to edit.
I am completely exhausted, but here I am, awake at 12:30 on a Sunday night, thinking about getting some tea before bed.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
Running Shoes
Yep, I'm a slacker.
Yesterday, I got running shoes.
In other news, life! I've been cast in a show at the Civic, opening in October, so that's exciting! I also have another ME gig at Farmers Alley as well as some possible work in Saugatuck.
I've been feeling pretty strong lately, which is probably why I haven't written, but, knowing me, there's always something going on in my head - it just needs to be pinned down!
I went shooting with a friend today (cameras, not guns) and in the pictures of me, my arms just look so...thin. I didn't think I looked like a skeletor until today. And it's not my whole body, just my arms and shoulders. Do you know what that means? Yea, weightlifting. I wish I could afford to still have a gym membership.
But then, this man at the theatre told me I'm beautiful.
Yesterday, I got running shoes.
In other news, life! I've been cast in a show at the Civic, opening in October, so that's exciting! I also have another ME gig at Farmers Alley as well as some possible work in Saugatuck.
I've been feeling pretty strong lately, which is probably why I haven't written, but, knowing me, there's always something going on in my head - it just needs to be pinned down!
I went shooting with a friend today (cameras, not guns) and in the pictures of me, my arms just look so...thin. I didn't think I looked like a skeletor until today. And it's not my whole body, just my arms and shoulders. Do you know what that means? Yea, weightlifting. I wish I could afford to still have a gym membership.
But then, this man at the theatre told me I'm beautiful.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Not Actually Lost!
I've been feeling a bit lost lately.
I wrote that line and saved this post to drafts. Now, I'm teching a show at the Civic (33 Variations - go see it!!), I have a solid number of hours at Chenery in May, and I'll be the ME + spot op for a show down at Farmers Alley in June. When I have nothing to occupy my time, I get lost. It might actually be the lack of time in theatres that creates an illusion of being lost. Either way, I am well and happy. And I finally read The Hunger Games! I wasn't impressed with the writing, but the story is really well thought-out.
I've been doing a lot of knitting and sewing to fill my days, but last Saturday - a week and a half ago, I mean, the day before Easter - I spent a few hours in the hospital with a friend who tried to commit suicide. I'm concerned with how big a part this plays in my life.
I can't focus on this right now. I have to go to rehearsal.
I have an amazing life. I really, really do.
I wrote that line and saved this post to drafts. Now, I'm teching a show at the Civic (33 Variations - go see it!!), I have a solid number of hours at Chenery in May, and I'll be the ME + spot op for a show down at Farmers Alley in June. When I have nothing to occupy my time, I get lost. It might actually be the lack of time in theatres that creates an illusion of being lost. Either way, I am well and happy. And I finally read The Hunger Games! I wasn't impressed with the writing, but the story is really well thought-out.
I've been doing a lot of knitting and sewing to fill my days, but last Saturday - a week and a half ago, I mean, the day before Easter - I spent a few hours in the hospital with a friend who tried to commit suicide. I'm concerned with how big a part this plays in my life.
I can't focus on this right now. I have to go to rehearsal.
I have an amazing life. I really, really do.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
My mom called me an adult today.
I like to think I'm good at making it up as I go, but up until this point in my life, I've never really had to. I've always been a planner. Sure, I can do spontaneous trips to the beach or up north to visit a friend, but I've never really had to play my whole life by ear. Let me rephrase that: I've never really let myself play my whole life by ear. I tend to be too fiscally cautious.
Of course, by fiscally cautious, I mean cheap. Now, that's not a negative by any means - in fact it's served me well thus far, which is why right now I have the freedom to work shows and do what I love for a living. And that's not to say I'm not taking the necessary steps to transfer my 403b from the clinic into a 401k from the schools or taking a less active role in my investments, it just means that I'm allowing myself to live in a more expensive house - in exchange for purchasing less clothing and switching to a cheaper cell phone company, among other things, haha.
I'm too distracted to finish this right now. It's late and Brian comes home in 9 days! Also, GOLD BODY SUIT.
Of course, by fiscally cautious, I mean cheap. Now, that's not a negative by any means - in fact it's served me well thus far, which is why right now I have the freedom to work shows and do what I love for a living. And that's not to say I'm not taking the necessary steps to transfer my 403b from the clinic into a 401k from the schools or taking a less active role in my investments, it just means that I'm allowing myself to live in a more expensive house - in exchange for purchasing less clothing and switching to a cheaper cell phone company, among other things, haha.
I'm too distracted to finish this right now. It's late and Brian comes home in 9 days! Also, GOLD BODY SUIT.
Monday, February 6, 2012
A Theatrical Chronography
At age 7, I took my first acting class.
At age 9, I teched my first show.
At age 11, I performed in my first musical.
At age 12, I saw my first Broadway cast.
At age 15, I got my first leading role.
At age 17, I had my first on-stage kiss.
At age 19, I assistant directed my first show.
At age 21, I stage managed my first show.
And now, at age 23, I have received my first credit as assistant lighting designer.
When I was younger, theatre was a source of great catharsis for me. I loved pretending to be someone else, I loved singing every thought and feeling, and, let's be honest, I loved being the center of attention (and still do! haha). Theatre taught me self-awareness, how to read people, and the value of silence, among other things. I just wish I could say it taught me comedic timing!
My mother always used to tell me to settle on a career, to just pick something, and my response generally expressed my inability to choose because I wanted to do everything! Now that I'm immersed in the technical aspects of theatre and have both time and opportunity to absorb as much knowledge as I can, I've realized that this is exactly why I am so enraptured with the entire theatrical process. I want to do everything, and theatre provides that for me. Every show gives me the chance to learn something new about almost anything; carpentry and construction, electrical, finance, music, sewing, dancing, speaking, light, composition, acoustics, computers, metalworking, combat, history, people.
Last night was the first opportunity I've had to sit down and actually watch Phantom of the Opera at Portage Central. I was absolutely blown away! The production value is incredible, the cast is fantastically talented, and it is amazing to see all of my hours of work come to fruition. "My" scenes - the ones where my lighting work played a major part - made my jaw drop. Seriously, the rooftop scene nearly made me cry! I am so lucky to have the opportunity to work with and learn from the rest of the staff on this production. They are not only brilliant at their respective jobs but also really incredible people.
I can't believe that this is what I do for a living.
At age 9, I teched my first show.
At age 11, I performed in my first musical.
At age 12, I saw my first Broadway cast.
At age 15, I got my first leading role.
At age 17, I had my first on-stage kiss.
At age 19, I assistant directed my first show.
At age 21, I stage managed my first show.
And now, at age 23, I have received my first credit as assistant lighting designer.
When I was younger, theatre was a source of great catharsis for me. I loved pretending to be someone else, I loved singing every thought and feeling, and, let's be honest, I loved being the center of attention (and still do! haha). Theatre taught me self-awareness, how to read people, and the value of silence, among other things. I just wish I could say it taught me comedic timing!
My mother always used to tell me to settle on a career, to just pick something, and my response generally expressed my inability to choose because I wanted to do everything! Now that I'm immersed in the technical aspects of theatre and have both time and opportunity to absorb as much knowledge as I can, I've realized that this is exactly why I am so enraptured with the entire theatrical process. I want to do everything, and theatre provides that for me. Every show gives me the chance to learn something new about almost anything; carpentry and construction, electrical, finance, music, sewing, dancing, speaking, light, composition, acoustics, computers, metalworking, combat, history, people.
Last night was the first opportunity I've had to sit down and actually watch Phantom of the Opera at Portage Central. I was absolutely blown away! The production value is incredible, the cast is fantastically talented, and it is amazing to see all of my hours of work come to fruition. "My" scenes - the ones where my lighting work played a major part - made my jaw drop. Seriously, the rooftop scene nearly made me cry! I am so lucky to have the opportunity to work with and learn from the rest of the staff on this production. They are not only brilliant at their respective jobs but also really incredible people.
I can't believe that this is what I do for a living.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Here is where I begin the year
Still nothing back from Matt after my response to his angry, holiday-hating letter.
Moving in a few short weeks! I need to start packing. And redo my budget. Speaking of...
Things I can potentially cut from my budget:
clothes, hair dye, Netflix, craft supplies (unless they start earning some revenue, of course)
Ways I can earn money to pay for things:
- Applied at a couple of places, Goodwill included.
- Going to start making aprons. A lot of aprons. The one I made mi madre for Christmas turned out so well I'm thinking about selling them.
THEATRE!:
- I was asked to help the lighting designer and ME for Phantom of the Opera at Portage Central! SO PUMPED! I anticipate a ton of learning coming my way.
- I'm possibly going to SM a cabaret for Center Stage in March!
- Not working at Farmer's Alley again until Light in the Piazza in June. I don't know if I can go that long without a show there! Maybe I can work God of Carnage in April as well.
- This will be the year I audition for All Ears. Seriously. I don't know why I've never actually done it before.
- Applying to be a class assistant for winter workshops down at the Civic. Never hurts!
Moving in a few short weeks! I need to start packing. And redo my budget. Speaking of...
Things I can potentially cut from my budget:
clothes, hair dye, Netflix, craft supplies (unless they start earning some revenue, of course)
Ways I can earn money to pay for things:
- Applied at a couple of places, Goodwill included.
- Going to start making aprons. A lot of aprons. The one I made mi madre for Christmas turned out so well I'm thinking about selling them.
THEATRE!:
- I was asked to help the lighting designer and ME for Phantom of the Opera at Portage Central! SO PUMPED! I anticipate a ton of learning coming my way.
- I'm possibly going to SM a cabaret for Center Stage in March!
- Not working at Farmer's Alley again until Light in the Piazza in June. I don't know if I can go that long without a show there! Maybe I can work God of Carnage in April as well.
- This will be the year I audition for All Ears. Seriously. I don't know why I've never actually done it before.
- Applying to be a class assistant for winter workshops down at the Civic. Never hurts!
Friday, December 16, 2011
it doesn't feel like Christmas.
Despite the fact that I've been working a Christmas cabaret show for the last 3 weeks, it doesn't feel like December, let alone the week before Christmas. I haven't done any shopping. I haven't put up decorations (save at work). I ordered Sam's gift, I'll be painting my parent's kitchen as their gift, and I got fabric to make my mom an apron, and that's it! Basically, this has been a $30 Christmas. While I don't have a consistent job right now, I feel like I should be spending/giving/donating more of my money...because I have some and I can do that.
I do have Christmas cards, however I feel disinclined to send them out. Hrm.
Trevor was here yesterday! It was really good to see him for a few hours.
It was also good to spend time with Rex at 4th last night.
Next Friday I have plans with Hoe!
People I need to call: AL, KJ, Mikey, Caitlin
I do have Christmas cards, however I feel disinclined to send them out. Hrm.
Trevor was here yesterday! It was really good to see him for a few hours.
It was also good to spend time with Rex at 4th last night.
Next Friday I have plans with Hoe!
People I need to call: AL, KJ, Mikey, Caitlin
Thursday, December 8, 2011
my work schedule this week
Sunday: 1h15-4 (2.75 hrs)
Monday: 2h3-5 (2.5 hrs)
Tuesday: 7a-2h3, 6h45-9h30 (10.25 hrs)
Wednesday: 7a-12h3, 2h3-9h3 (12.5 hrs)
Thursday: 10a-3h3, 6h45-10p (8.25 hrs)
Friday: 7h15-10p (2.75 hrs)
Saturday: 7h15-10p (2.75 hrs)
= 41.75 hours split between 3 different theatres.
Awesome.
Monday: 2h3-5 (2.5 hrs)
Tuesday: 7a-2h3, 6h45-9h30 (10.25 hrs)
Wednesday: 7a-12h3, 2h3-9h3 (12.5 hrs)
Thursday: 10a-3h3, 6h45-10p (8.25 hrs)
Friday: 7h15-10p (2.75 hrs)
Saturday: 7h15-10p (2.75 hrs)
= 41.75 hours split between 3 different theatres.
Awesome.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Somewhere in the cosmos, it was decided that I would be happy
Today was day 3 of my partial and unofficial unemployment. That piece of information is very important.
I woke up late and rushed up to the high school to work with some of the techie kids. "Angry Uncle" Keith (tech master) didn't know I was going to come, and I told him that since I no longer have a full time job I was planning on hanging around and helping out. He then asked if I was willing to work for minimum wage and if I could show up at Chenery downtown tomorrow at 1pm and they would see about putting me on the payroll. PAYROLL. Three business days after I stop working in the doctor's office. Granted, being on payroll doesn't mean I'll be working consistently - but at this point I hardly care! I'm just too excited!
This evening, I went to rehearsal for the show I'm working right now - The Winter Wonderettes at Farmer's Alley Theatre. I stayed late and helped the lighting designer and the ME hang can lights, cut gels, and general electrical schtuff.
Did I mention that instead of running my spot tomorrow, I'll be paid to take pictures of the show? Sandy changed her head shot that's on display in the lobby to one that I took of her a few weeks ago and I got some nice compliments and a request for head shots from Roger, the SM. They're going to pay me a little bit extra for the photos, too!
AND I'm dating a spectacular human/man/guy.
If the only things wrong with my life right now are that I've screwed up my sleep schedule and I'm addicted to caffeine, I'd say I'm doing pretty damn well.
I woke up late and rushed up to the high school to work with some of the techie kids. "Angry Uncle" Keith (tech master) didn't know I was going to come, and I told him that since I no longer have a full time job I was planning on hanging around and helping out. He then asked if I was willing to work for minimum wage and if I could show up at Chenery downtown tomorrow at 1pm and they would see about putting me on the payroll. PAYROLL. Three business days after I stop working in the doctor's office. Granted, being on payroll doesn't mean I'll be working consistently - but at this point I hardly care! I'm just too excited!
This evening, I went to rehearsal for the show I'm working right now - The Winter Wonderettes at Farmer's Alley Theatre. I stayed late and helped the lighting designer and the ME hang can lights, cut gels, and general electrical schtuff.
Did I mention that instead of running my spot tomorrow, I'll be paid to take pictures of the show? Sandy changed her head shot that's on display in the lobby to one that I took of her a few weeks ago and I got some nice compliments and a request for head shots from Roger, the SM. They're going to pay me a little bit extra for the photos, too!
AND I'm dating a spectacular human/man/guy.
If the only things wrong with my life right now are that I've screwed up my sleep schedule and I'm addicted to caffeine, I'd say I'm doing pretty damn well.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I'm not sure this post deserves a title
This show is making me miserable. We open Friday. I keep getting yelled at for things I have no control over.
This is why they tell you not to make a career out of the one thing you love more than anything.
This is why they tell you not to make a career out of the one thing you love more than anything.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
I Think My Balls Have Dropped.
Also, Sam and I both dig Mitch, the photo counter guy at Meijer.
I gave notice at my job. I can't believe I didn't tell Sam about that until today! I feel ready to leave this place.
Number of Work Days Left: 20 (only 4 weeks!)
Friday I made a bowl of meat. Well, ok, it's meat, rice, pico de gallo, salad dressing, and corn. It's delicious! Or should I say was delicious.
Took some cool shots of Sam this afternoon. It was a really nice, almost therapeutic shoot. I'm ready to be a photographer! I mean, I already am, but I think I'm still waiting for that big moment where I feel vindicated and legitimate. This week I'm shooting with Rex, and possibly Jake and Adam. Bring it!
Monday, October 17, 2011
time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
I got a photography job! Well, ok, my friend Ben got me a photography job. Freelance, of course, but a gig is a gig! And the coordinator said that if the shoot tomorrow morning goes well, there will be more opportunities for me to work with her company. I'll be driving up to Grand Rapids tomorrow morning to spend some time in a high school classroom taking photos of the teacher. I am so excited!
Yesterday I did engagement photos for my friends Nathan and Tricha. Some of them turned out so well! I'm excited to show them.
"If the sky were to suddenly open up, there would be no law, there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories." -From Donnie Darko
Friday, September 2, 2011
A Wild Blog Appeared!
Oh man, things have been happening!Bee and I shot a wedding last Saturday, which was stressful, but turned out well in the end, I think. We'll see for sure once all of our pictures are edited and together. Sunday I went out shooting in BC with my uncle and I got a few good shots! I threw a couple of them in the post.
Shooting engagement photos on Sunday, but not before the annual Labor Day Awesomely Fun Time Thing at the Horn lake house! I'm so excited to see Caitlin! and Max and Declan. And Casey and Alex and Allison. and everyone's parents as well, I suppose.
And I got another prison letter today! I really like Matt, he's pretty cool. I think he's hitting on me a bit via letter though - but hey, he's in prison for the rest of his life and there are no ladies there. If I were in his shoes I'd probably be doing the same thing. This past Monday I mailed a letter out to another guy, Kyle, in Iowa. We'll see if he writes back!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
so much for July!
I just realized I haven't posted in over a month. I've been meaning to, but every time I make my way here, it's late and I'm too tired to write anything. That's actually exactly how I feel right now, but I'm making it happen anyway.
So basically, July happened. I turned 23, and I honestly don't remember what else happened. Super thrilling, I know.
Last week I took my first full week off in the two years I've had my job. It was completely overdue! I think I'll post an update on that later - I need to sleep!
So basically, July happened. I turned 23, and I honestly don't remember what else happened. Super thrilling, I know.
Last week I took my first full week off in the two years I've had my job. It was completely overdue! I think I'll post an update on that later - I need to sleep!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Chemistry Lesson
Several years ago, my friend Chris told me he was going to be a truck driver. He said as long as he was happy at home, it didn't matter what he did for a living. At the time, I couldn't fathom being stuck in a job that I disliked, let alone choosing one, but I think I understand now. I work in an office, and it's your typical boring job: faxing, filing, running around looking for files. I'm not really very fond of it, but it pays the bills and my savings are growing so I really can't complain about the money.
Chris is now going to school for chemistry or biology, I don't remember which exactly.
Mentally and emotionally it's probably not healthy for me to have kept myself in my current job. I'm not fulfilled or challenged, and I'm certainly not excited to get up every day to go to work, but I am learning to take time outside of work to do things for myself. For example, I rewarded the last six months of hard work and exercise by buying tiny neon shorts. I know, it's not actually that exciting, but it's something. I like to go on walks, I like to knit, and read. I'm learning to stop fixating on how much I dislike my job and finding other ways to make myself smile.
Speaking of smiling, the other day I had a gentleman over and we made chocolate covered bacon. If you've never tried this before, you really should - even if you think it sounds gross. He is...something. I feel like I might get weirdly gushy if I go into detail so I'll just say that I love his playful confidence.
And I get to go to the chiropractor in the morning. Manipulations are better than therapy.
Chris is now going to school for chemistry or biology, I don't remember which exactly.
Mentally and emotionally it's probably not healthy for me to have kept myself in my current job. I'm not fulfilled or challenged, and I'm certainly not excited to get up every day to go to work, but I am learning to take time outside of work to do things for myself. For example, I rewarded the last six months of hard work and exercise by buying tiny neon shorts. I know, it's not actually that exciting, but it's something. I like to go on walks, I like to knit, and read. I'm learning to stop fixating on how much I dislike my job and finding other ways to make myself smile.
Speaking of smiling, the other day I had a gentleman over and we made chocolate covered bacon. If you've never tried this before, you really should - even if you think it sounds gross. He is...something. I feel like I might get weirdly gushy if I go into detail so I'll just say that I love his playful confidence.
And I get to go to the chiropractor in the morning. Manipulations are better than therapy.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
I've been reading Vonnegut.
So, SO exhausted.
Saturday Bridgette and I drove to Livonia and shot a wedding. On the way home I shut my toes in the car door. So it goes.
Sunday I had a 10 hour tech rehearsal for Blood Brothers, which opens this Friday. I've had a 5-6 hour rehearsal every night since. So it goes.
I've been thinking about this boy I'm seeing. He doesn't really like books and I don't get it.
I'm too tired to finish that thought.
Saturday Bridgette and I drove to Livonia and shot a wedding. On the way home I shut my toes in the car door. So it goes.
Sunday I had a 10 hour tech rehearsal for Blood Brothers, which opens this Friday. I've had a 5-6 hour rehearsal every night since. So it goes.
I've been thinking about this boy I'm seeing. He doesn't really like books and I don't get it.
I'm too tired to finish that thought.
Monday, February 7, 2011
hunger
I had an adverse reaction to my mood stabilizer today. hives. headaches. which means I have to go see my shrink on Thursday to get a new drug. but I start seeing a counselor on Thursday night after working out! so that'll be good, I think. and Bart and I are going to hang out this weekend. and Saturday night Hoe and I have a lady date to go see the Gold Company show. I think I'm going to try and keep myself busy as opposed to sitting in my room knitting and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer from the beginning. we'll see how well that works out.
I was late for work today. woke up at 8h05, have to be there at 8h30. oh well, it's not like I care about my job anyway.
I am starving - I think it's time for 2nd dinner.
I was late for work today. woke up at 8h05, have to be there at 8h30. oh well, it's not like I care about my job anyway.
I am starving - I think it's time for 2nd dinner.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Invader Zim
Here's the thing about being a grown up: it kinda sucks.
Yea, you get to do cool stuff...exactly what those cool things are I don't know. Every cool thing I can think of that I currently take part in I've been doing for 5+ years - knitting, singing, theatre, photo shoots, hanging out with friends, driving. But being a grown up is just a lot of bull shit. You're expected to work to pay all kinds of seemingly unnecessary bills, to have certain things, to be a certain way to "get by". If all people are trying to do it "get by", then what's the point of being alive? Here's what I think: If you're alive, you must be passionate about something. I don't care what it is. I can give you a list of things I'm passionate about. Will they support me? Only if I can make a living knitting and people watching.
I found this (well, ok, Stumble found it for me on this blog), and besides being a fantastic photo, I love what it says.
"To make money we loose our health,
and then to restore our health we loose our money...
we live as if we are never going to die,
and we die as if we never lived."
I have a lot of issues with my mother. We're not close, and I'm fine with that. We judge each other more harshly then either of us judges anyone else because neither of us actually is who we want each other to be. I've accepted that, and I think she has, too. Here's a secret my mom (read: family) would disown me for: I dropped out of college. I've told my parents, grandparents, roommates...pretty much everyone that I'm going to graduate in December when that's complete bull shit. So I don't have a degree...big deal! I don't need one, nor do I want one. What good is it really going to do me? College makes me miserable, I don't need one to be a photographer or to support myself, so what's the point, really? Having a degree will not make me happy.
I recently bought myself my first piece of "big girl" furniture - a desk! I haven't had a desk since I was probably 14, and I'm enjoying having it. I'm enjoying having a place for things, for having a piece of "real" furniture, and I'm enjoying the fact that I earned the money and could spend $300 on a desk. I'm not, however, enjoying my job. Oh look, I'm right up there with most Americans! It kind of bothers me when people babble on about how unique they are, because in all honesty, you're not. You're not special, you have no unique thoughts...sorry to burst your bubble. I know, I'm being cynical. Just because you're not one-of-a-kind doesn't mean you're not fabulous, it just means that you should stop being an ass.
So as I sit here watching Invader Zim and remembering how much I used to love this cartoon while I was in high school, I can't help but think about selling all of my possessions and moving to the middle of nowhere to become a potato farmer. Or maybe taking my friend up on staying with him for a while.
At least I get to wear jeans to work tomorrow. It's the little things.
Yea, you get to do cool stuff...exactly what those cool things are I don't know. Every cool thing I can think of that I currently take part in I've been doing for 5+ years - knitting, singing, theatre, photo shoots, hanging out with friends, driving. But being a grown up is just a lot of bull shit. You're expected to work to pay all kinds of seemingly unnecessary bills, to have certain things, to be a certain way to "get by". If all people are trying to do it "get by", then what's the point of being alive? Here's what I think: If you're alive, you must be passionate about something. I don't care what it is. I can give you a list of things I'm passionate about. Will they support me? Only if I can make a living knitting and people watching.
"To make money we loose our health,
and then to restore our health we loose our money...
we live as if we are never going to die,
and we die as if we never lived."
I have a lot of issues with my mother. We're not close, and I'm fine with that. We judge each other more harshly then either of us judges anyone else because neither of us actually is who we want each other to be. I've accepted that, and I think she has, too. Here's a secret my mom (read: family) would disown me for: I dropped out of college. I've told my parents, grandparents, roommates...pretty much everyone that I'm going to graduate in December when that's complete bull shit. So I don't have a degree...big deal! I don't need one, nor do I want one. What good is it really going to do me? College makes me miserable, I don't need one to be a photographer or to support myself, so what's the point, really? Having a degree will not make me happy.
I recently bought myself my first piece of "big girl" furniture - a desk! I haven't had a desk since I was probably 14, and I'm enjoying having it. I'm enjoying having a place for things, for having a piece of "real" furniture, and I'm enjoying the fact that I earned the money and could spend $300 on a desk. I'm not, however, enjoying my job. Oh look, I'm right up there with most Americans! It kind of bothers me when people babble on about how unique they are, because in all honesty, you're not. You're not special, you have no unique thoughts...sorry to burst your bubble. I know, I'm being cynical. Just because you're not one-of-a-kind doesn't mean you're not fabulous, it just means that you should stop being an ass.
So as I sit here watching Invader Zim and remembering how much I used to love this cartoon while I was in high school, I can't help but think about selling all of my possessions and moving to the middle of nowhere to become a potato farmer. Or maybe taking my friend up on staying with him for a while.
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