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I'm manic. You know how I can tell? Besides the fact that it's 4:08am and I'm still completely awake, playing stupid games on Facebook, writing this blog, and hating absolutely everyone?

Oh wait, those are the reasons.

So hello, insomnia, my old friend.
And fuck all of you who actually ARE my friends.
Especially the person who just SHOWED UP ON MY PORCH LIKE I OWED YOU A GODDAMN EXPLANATION and the person who fucked up my makeup for the photo shoot today. If you wanted STAGE makeup, you shouldn't have told me to wear STREET makeup. stupid bitch.

The. End.

My stammer has been really bad the last couple of days as well. 

fragility

I don't know how to be this fragile person. This weepy, flaky, horrible person who can't control the temper she spent so many years getting in check. all of that work for nothing. I feel like all of the things I have done to better myself in the last 10 years have been for naught. I don't know how to react to not knowing who I am. I've never felt like that before.

I don't know how to react to my anger and frustration with myself for not having the patience to see what happens with this new medication. I don't know how to pretend that I have the patience.

I don't know how to be this person. because I'm not fragile. I worked hard to leave my unreasonable anger in the past. I have so much strength, but somewhere it was lost, leaving me drinking the dregs. I've been awake since 11am yesterday but I feel too wound up to sleep.

I want myself back.

Please.