My mom called me an adult today.

I like to think I'm good at making it up as I go, but up until this point in my life, I've never really had to. I've always been a planner. Sure, I can do spontaneous trips to the beach or up north to visit a friend, but I've never really had to play my whole life by ear. Let me rephrase that: I've never really let myself play my whole life by ear. I tend to be too fiscally cautious.

Of course, by fiscally cautious, I mean cheap. Now, that's not a negative by any means - in fact it's served me well thus far, which is why right now I have the freedom to work shows and do what I love for a living. And that's not to say I'm not taking the necessary steps to transfer my 403b from the clinic into a 401k from the schools or taking a less active role in my investments, it just means that I'm allowing myself to live in a more expensive house - in exchange for purchasing less clothing and switching to a cheaper cell phone company, among other things, haha.





I'm too distracted to finish this right now. It's late and Brian comes home in 9 days! Also, GOLD BODY SUIT.

Here is where I begin the year

Still nothing back from Matt after my response to his angry, holiday-hating letter.

Moving in a few short weeks! I need to start packing. And redo my budget. Speaking of...

Things I can potentially cut from my budget:
clothes, hair dye, Netflix, craft supplies (unless they start earning some revenue, of course)

Ways I can earn money to pay for things:
- Applied at a couple of places, Goodwill included.
- Going to start making aprons. A lot of aprons. The one I made mi madre for Christmas turned out so well I'm thinking about selling them.

THEATRE!:
- I was asked to help the lighting designer and ME for Phantom of the Opera at Portage Central! SO PUMPED! I anticipate a ton of learning coming my way.
- I'm possibly going to SM a cabaret for Center Stage in March!
- Not working at Farmer's Alley again until Light in the Piazza in June. I don't know if I can go that long without a show there! Maybe I can work God of Carnage in April as well.
- This will be the year I audition for All Ears. Seriously. I don't know why I've never actually done it before.
- Applying to be a class assistant for winter workshops down at the Civic. Never hurts!

it doesn't feel like Christmas.

Despite the fact that I've been working a Christmas cabaret show for the last 3 weeks, it doesn't feel like December, let alone the week before Christmas. I haven't done any shopping. I haven't put up decorations (save at work). I ordered Sam's gift, I'll be painting my parent's kitchen as their gift, and I got fabric to make my mom an apron, and that's it! Basically, this has been a $30 Christmas. While I don't have a consistent job right now, I feel like I should be spending/giving/donating more of my money...because I have some and I can do that.

I do have Christmas cards, however I feel disinclined to send them out. Hrm.

Trevor was here yesterday! It was really good to see him for a few hours.
It was also good to spend time with Rex at 4th last night.
Next Friday I have plans with Hoe!
People I need to call: AL, KJ, Mikey, Caitlin

Letter to the Editor

I suppose you've heard about the protests going on in NYC and throughout the rest of the country. If not, you have now. Here is the letter I wrote to the editor of the Kalamazoo Gazette this evening (morning):

"I understand why protests modeled after NYC are springing up all over the country, but I'm not sure they are going about it in the right way.

The organizer's website (https://occupywallst.org/) states "We, the people of the United States of America, considering the crisis at hand, now reassert our sovereign control of our land." I see a who, a what, a where, and a why, but I don't see a HOW - and that's the most important one! I am all for solidarity and I completely appreciate the right to assemble, but I really wish someone would take the time to think this through. There have to be people out there who think that being rational is more effective than being emotional!
The movement has become known as "We Are The 99%", and the introduction on their website (http://wearethe99percent.tumblr.com/Introduction) reads as follows: "If you’re reading this, there’s a 99 percent chance that you’re one of us. You’re someone who doesn’t know whether there’s going to be enough money to make this month’s rent. You’re someone who gets sick and toughs it out because you’ll never afford the hospital bills. You’re someone who’s trying to move a mountain of debt that never seems to get any smaller no matter how hard you try."

According to this statement, I am not in the 99%. I'm in the 1% who knows they can afford next month's rent and who can afford hospital and doctor bills if it becomes necessary. My debt is limited to the $72 and some change on my only credit card.

The site also gives a description for the other 1%: "They are the 1 percent. They are the banks, the mortgage industry, the insurance industry. They are the important ones." I am none of those industries. I am a 23-year-old woman. And if this emotional thinking is truly the way our country is headed, then I most certainly am one of the important ones."

Seriously, people.


Also, here's a cool shot I took of Mad today.

Invader Zim

Here's the thing about being a grown up: it kinda sucks.

Yea, you get to do cool stuff...exactly what those cool things are I don't know. Every cool thing I can think of that I currently take part in I've been doing for 5+ years - knitting, singing, theatre, photo shoots, hanging out with friends, driving. But being a grown up is just a lot of bull shit. You're expected to work to pay all kinds of seemingly unnecessary bills, to have certain things, to be a certain way to "get by". If all people are trying to do it "get by", then what's the point of being alive? Here's what I think: If you're alive, you must be passionate about something. I don't care what it is. I can give you a list of things I'm passionate about. Will they support me? Only if I can make a living knitting and people watching.

I found this (well, ok, Stumble found it for me on this blog), and besides being a fantastic photo, I love what it says.

"To make money we loose our health,
and then to restore our health we loose our money...
we live as if we are never going to die,
and we die as if we never lived."

I have a lot of issues with my mother. We're not close, and I'm fine with that. We judge each other more harshly then either of us judges anyone else because neither of us actually is who we want each other to be. I've accepted that, and I think she has, too. Here's a secret my mom (read: family) would disown me for: I dropped out of college. I've told my parents, grandparents, roommates...pretty much everyone that I'm going to graduate in December when that's complete bull shit. So I don't have a degree...big deal! I don't need one, nor do I want one. What good is it really going to do me? College makes me miserable, I don't need one to be a photographer or to support myself, so what's the point, really? Having a degree will not make me happy.

I recently bought myself my first piece of "big girl" furniture - a desk! I haven't had a desk since I was probably 14, and I'm enjoying having it. I'm enjoying having a place for things, for having a piece of "real" furniture, and I'm enjoying the fact that I earned the money and could spend $300 on a desk. I'm not, however, enjoying my job. Oh look, I'm right up there with most Americans! It kind of bothers me when people babble on about how unique they are, because in all honesty, you're not. You're not special, you have no unique thoughts...sorry to burst your bubble. I know, I'm being cynical. Just because you're not one-of-a-kind doesn't mean you're not fabulous, it just means that you should stop being an ass.

So as I sit here watching Invader Zim and remembering how much I used to love this cartoon while I was in high school, I can't help but think about selling all of my possessions and moving to the middle of nowhere to become a potato farmer. Or maybe taking my friend up on staying with him for a while.

At least I get to wear jeans to work tomorrow. It's the little things.