Chemistry Lesson

Several years ago, my friend Chris told me he was going to be a truck driver. He said as long as he was happy at home, it didn't matter what he did for a living. At the time, I couldn't fathom being stuck in a job that I disliked, let alone choosing one, but I think I understand now. I work in an office, and it's your typical boring job: faxing, filing, running around looking for files. I'm not really very fond of it, but it pays the bills and my savings are growing so I really can't complain about the money.

Chris is now going to school for chemistry or biology, I don't remember which exactly.

Mentally and emotionally it's probably not healthy for me to have kept myself in my current job. I'm not fulfilled or challenged, and I'm certainly not excited to get up every day to go to work, but I am learning to take time outside of work to do things for myself. For example, I rewarded the last six months of hard work and exercise by buying tiny neon shorts. I know, it's not actually that exciting, but it's something. I like to go on walks, I like to knit, and read. I'm learning to stop fixating on how much I dislike my job and finding other ways to make myself smile.

Speaking of smiling, the other day I had a gentleman over and we made chocolate covered bacon. If you've never tried this before, you really should - even if you think it sounds gross. He is...something. I feel like I might get weirdly gushy if I go into detail so I'll just say that I love his playful confidence.

And I get to go to the chiropractor in the morning. Manipulations are better than therapy.

I've been reading Vonnegut.

So, SO exhausted.

Saturday Bridgette and I drove to Livonia and shot a wedding. On the way home I shut my toes in the car door. So it goes.

Sunday I had a 10 hour tech rehearsal for Blood Brothers, which opens this Friday. I've had a 5-6 hour rehearsal every night since. So it goes.

I've been thinking about this boy I'm seeing. He doesn't really like books and I don't get it.

I'm too tired to finish that thought.

back in the saddle...again

it's been awhile since I've had internet and been able to post...

went to the pdoc on Friday and he changed my meds - from lithium to oxcarbazepine (trileptal) and so far so good. although I've taken a whopping 4 doses, haha.

I'm tired. it's 1h15am and I have to work at 8h30. so that's 6 hours sleep, max. but the boss is on vacation! shabam!

oh yea, I have a boyfriend. hah! we'll see how well that turns out. every time I freak out he tells me he knew what he was getting himself into by dating me. yea, it makes me feel suuuuuper awesome about myself.

knit one

it's been a while.

not much new on the bipolar/meds/moods front, except that I'm beginning to be able to tell the difference between before and after the lithium. most notably, my mind doesn't race anymore! my mouth can actually keep up with it, which is exciting, but at the same time depressing. that is one of the things that made me so easily excited, and while I still am easily excited, I feel like I try and force it sometimes because I'm used to being far more energetic.

and now on to the stupid, typical boy dramarama.

there are two boys. we'll call them R and D. I used to date D 2 1/2 years ago. D still wants to be together, and I most definitely do not.

R, on the other hand, I think I would very much like to date, and he reciprocates, but we can't until I decide I want to have sex. because if we don't have sex he can't "make an emotional connection". if it were any other guy I'd say it was a cop-out, but R is 100% the most honest person I have ever met and there is no way we would have had the conversations about sex that we have if he (we) weren't. so I believe the things he says and really I think I like him all the more for it.