I realized something the other day.
I'm afraid. Terrified, really. Terrified that I'll never be used to my emotional turbulence, frightened that I won't always be able to control it, scared of the long-term effects of the medication I'm not even taking right now. Sometimes it seems like trying to view myself from every angle keeps me from seeing myself.
Plus, I'm angry with my need for control. It almost feels like a necessity. If I don't have control, if I'm not keeping a vigilant eye inward, what happens? Will I lose myself again? I'll tell you one thing - it does nothing for my anxiety.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Not Actually Lost!
I've been feeling a bit lost lately.
I wrote that line and saved this post to drafts. Now, I'm teching a show at the Civic (33 Variations - go see it!!), I have a solid number of hours at Chenery in May, and I'll be the ME + spot op for a show down at Farmers Alley in June. When I have nothing to occupy my time, I get lost. It might actually be the lack of time in theatres that creates an illusion of being lost. Either way, I am well and happy. And I finally read The Hunger Games! I wasn't impressed with the writing, but the story is really well thought-out.
I've been doing a lot of knitting and sewing to fill my days, but last Saturday - a week and a half ago, I mean, the day before Easter - I spent a few hours in the hospital with a friend who tried to commit suicide. I'm concerned with how big a part this plays in my life.
I can't focus on this right now. I have to go to rehearsal.
I have an amazing life. I really, really do.
I wrote that line and saved this post to drafts. Now, I'm teching a show at the Civic (33 Variations - go see it!!), I have a solid number of hours at Chenery in May, and I'll be the ME + spot op for a show down at Farmers Alley in June. When I have nothing to occupy my time, I get lost. It might actually be the lack of time in theatres that creates an illusion of being lost. Either way, I am well and happy. And I finally read The Hunger Games! I wasn't impressed with the writing, but the story is really well thought-out.
I've been doing a lot of knitting and sewing to fill my days, but last Saturday - a week and a half ago, I mean, the day before Easter - I spent a few hours in the hospital with a friend who tried to commit suicide. I'm concerned with how big a part this plays in my life.
I can't focus on this right now. I have to go to rehearsal.
I have an amazing life. I really, really do.
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