so there's these lists...

I know I've written at least a semi-religious post before, but today I discovered these lists posted on my roommates Facebook wall:

15 Reasons I Left Church
15 Reasons I Returned to the Church

They're interesting, if you're into that sort of thing - which I am, so I'm going to play with them! Yay!

Tonight's Topic: 15 Reasons I Left Church according to RHE

thunder rolling

This is MK. She is one of the happiest, sweetest, most enthusiastic people I've ever met. While I could probably fill a post with entertaining stories about all of the time we spent together in high school (like the time we almost got in a car accident on the way to the movies), this post is, selfishly enough, about me.

MK has become the woman I wanted to be. She is motivated to go halfway around the world to do what she can to help others. I have a few friends like this, actually - Matt leaves for the Peace Corp in the fall and Nathan and Tricia spent six months in Haiti last year, among others - and I am thankful to have had these people in my life. Partially because I can enjoy their experiences vicariously, and partially because it throws into focus how the image of my future self has changed with regard to others.

There's a verse from a song I know:

"Turn on my TV, there's a man tellin' me I can stop the hunger that's goin' on overseas. I won't send him my money, 'cause it won't do much good - I got people starvin' in my own neighborhood."

So as I sit here listening to the thunder, I can't help but think about those homeless in Kalamazoo that were grateful for today's warm weather, but are now concerned with finding shelter from the storm. Maybe I'm being melodramatic, maybe it won't actually rain tonight and everyone can rest easy on 60-degree concrete.

I suppose I'm just saying that I think a stronger home base will give us the strength and resources to help those in other communities. I can't single-handedly change national or world politics - not yet, at least - but I have the ability to help those around me.

It's entirely possible that living with a social worker is starting to rub off on me!

I have had a night.

I have had a night.

It began with my brother being a massive jerk and making me cry.

It ended with "Part of my journey is learning to give more freely to others, and I am finally starting to like it."

a mixing bowl metaphor

This is a mixing bowl. It collapses!
And oh, hey, so do I!
What a coincidence!

You combine things in this bowl to make something new!
I have mixed episodes and feel like I'm going crazy!
Dissimilar and really not coincidental at all!

Now that I've used my allotted amount of exclamation points for this post, I think it's safe to say that I'm one of the following: rapid cycling, having a mixed episode. To be honest, I can't tell the difference, but either way I feel like I'm going nuts. One minute I think I'm great, happy, excited, whatever, the next I'm crying. Is this what menopause is like? More importantly, 25 years from now, is my menopause going to be twice as bad because of my bipolar? Or will it be better because of my medication? Ok, I suppose that's not really more important than my current state. I've been feeling a little off lately, but I just assumed it was because of show stress (tomorrow is tech Sunday). Perhaps it's that coupled with the excitement of Brian being home. I can't describe how I feel because it changes from moment to moment - I knew I had a laundry list of things to finish before rehearsal tomorrow, but I didn't get them all finished even though I had more than enough time.

I feel a little bit flimsy. Something else I have in common with the mixing bowl!

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

Brian is home. I really missed him. He's 21 now! We're going to get tattoos and go out for drinks and hopefully, you know, actually spend time together. Usually when he's home I see him for 20 minutes and he's with his friends the rest of the time. Family dinner tomorrow!

I've had an off week, I think. I'm thinking in fragmented sentences. It's 2h30am and I have to be at the aud in 6 hours.