good friends.

I've been told recently that I'm a good friend. Now this, coming from him, is because I've driven him home drunk on multiple occasions and drove/stayed with him in the ER a couple of months ago. But he's not the only one who's told me this. Rex thanked me for hanging out with him tonight, and he's even written a blog post about me!

Lately I've been thinking a lot about one of my closest friends, because I miss him and I feel like I've been neglecting our relationship. He is hands down the least judgmental person I've ever met, he gives great advice, he's fiercely loyal, and really is absolutely inspiring. I think that's the number one thing he's taught me; you don't have to save lives, write powerful words, or advocate for important causes to be inspiring. You just have to be a good person.

My favorite thing about us is how, regardless of time spent apart, we always fall right back into conversation like we spoke yesterday. I can honestly say that if, for some reason, I ever get married, I will most likely ask him to be my man of honor. I can't imagine my life without him.

So ok, maybe this all sounds a little creepy, or a little like I'm in love with him, but he has been my best friend for 15 years - and when you've only been alive for 23, that's a pretty long time.

This post didn't end up taking the direction I expected.

Drive fast, take chances.

photo bomb!

Sam

Andrea and Dale

Rex

pretty sure I'm manic.

Caitlin called the other day - she and Max are having another boy! Which means another pseudo-nephew for me...maybe someday I'll like babies. For now I'm building up excitement to play with Matchbox cars and GI Joes someday in the future. And of course I'm fantastically happy for them :-D

I'm really just fantastically happy right now. I fricking CRIED tonight I'm so happy. How does that even work? No idea. I almost went to get another piercing today between shows, but I shouldn't spend the cashmonies.

I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING.

I'm rereading this and it doesn't sound quite right. Turned on my mania eyes just now. Stand by for a potential update about me crashing.

it doesn't feel like Christmas.

Despite the fact that I've been working a Christmas cabaret show for the last 3 weeks, it doesn't feel like December, let alone the week before Christmas. I haven't done any shopping. I haven't put up decorations (save at work). I ordered Sam's gift, I'll be painting my parent's kitchen as their gift, and I got fabric to make my mom an apron, and that's it! Basically, this has been a $30 Christmas. While I don't have a consistent job right now, I feel like I should be spending/giving/donating more of my money...because I have some and I can do that.

I do have Christmas cards, however I feel disinclined to send them out. Hrm.

Trevor was here yesterday! It was really good to see him for a few hours.
It was also good to spend time with Rex at 4th last night.
Next Friday I have plans with Hoe!
People I need to call: AL, KJ, Mikey, Caitlin

I love myself.

That is all.

Does anyone read this?

my work schedule this week

Sunday: 1h15-4 (2.75 hrs)
Monday: 2h3-5 (2.5 hrs)
Tuesday: 7a-2h3, 6h45-9h30 (10.25 hrs)
Wednesday: 7a-12h3, 2h3-9h3 (12.5 hrs)
Thursday: 10a-3h3, 6h45-10p (8.25 hrs)
Friday: 7h15-10p (2.75 hrs)
Saturday: 7h15-10p (2.75 hrs)

= 41.75 hours split between 3 different theatres.
Awesome.

this post is nowhere near complete

By this point, you or someone you know has probably posted a link to Dan Pearce's "I'm Christian, unless you're gay" blog post somewhere. If not, you should read it - especially if you're my father. If I recall correctly, I've said something similar to my dad before, and his response has been something to the effect of "Just because I love them doesn't mean I have to condone their lifestyle." That's actually something I agree with whole-heartedly. Just because I love the women who sell themselves for sex doesn't mean I don't think that prostitution is demeaning and that they can, in all likelihood, do infinitely better for themselves. The thing about my dad's relationship with homosexuality, however, is that while he'll be perfectly nice to your face, he'll say hateful things behind your back and post those comments all over his Facebook page. But let's get a bit closer to the point.

I used to attend a church on my college campus. Last year, the pastor there was doing a sermon on doubt and, knowing full well that I'm not a Christian, she asked me to write a slam poetry piece on the subject to perform during the service. The poem only took a few minutes to write, but it was really personal and surprisingly well-received. I'll give you some snippets:

"...now, I'm not anti-Christianity
I'm anti-Christian
anti-self-righteous evangelists like my father who say I'm going to hell because I believe in homosexual marriage and in Allah and Buddha and karma and nature and the power of thought over the power of prayer...

...how many times have I driven past one of the homeless men who frequent the I-94 exit at Sprinkle Road wishing I had some food in my car to give them, only to forget about it the next day and lather, rinse, repeat until it's too cold out for them to walk there from the shelter downtown and I've missed my chance to prove to myself how much I love people even though I judge them when they spell Hungary like the country and not like the feeling in the bottom of your heart when something is missing...

...but as much as I love people, I find it hard to put my trust in those who have to use someone else's words to explain themselves
those who can quote scripture verbatim but can't put 10, 20, 30 words from their own mind together to tell me what they really think and feel
because I find that sitting around trying to be pious and living vicariously through the Bible to be a pitiful way to live...

...but look, here I am spewing ignorant, self-righteous bull shit just like those I said I was against.
you ask me if I believe in the god created by the words of men and I say no, I believe in the men created in the thoughts of Earth."

We all have certain levels of abhorrence toward different kinds of people. For my dad, I think it's mostly homosexuals, non-Christians, and Democrats. For me, it's people like him. I realize that it's counter-productive and hypocritical, but it's the truth.

One of the reactions to expressed opinions that really gets under my skin is "oh, well, you're only such-and-such age, you can't possibly have any kind of life experience or know enough about anything to have a well-informed, intelligent thought on the subject." Ok, yea, I'll concede that this is sometimes a correct assessment, but we've all been guilty of talking out our asses at some point, regardless of age or level of intelligence. To those who think that young people don't (or can't) have well thought-out opinions, try them. Try us. We might surprise you. And to all of the young people who can't (or don't) differentiate between your/you're, then/than, and their/there/they're, open a book. You're the reason other generations think we're unintelligent.

But hey, I'm only 23. What do I know?