"you look like a man in need of a nook"

I'm feeling a tad odd this evening. Possibly a mixture of sleep deprivation, excitement and anxiety for the coming weekend, and just weird emotion-y stuff.

I saw a baby this past weekend. He got his head crossed with blessed water and didn't cry at all...and then we ate a lot of food. so, for the two people who may periodically read this blog, here is a photo of my "nephew" that you may or may not have already seen on Facebook:

Yep, goofy picture. But I like it. Because I took it. Schblaaaarrgh. Good night.

I think I'm overdue for a happy post!

I am currently in a state of happiness.
Uncle Gary brought me an awesome Irish rock cd that was recorded in his garage.
Last night, I laughed. A lot and loudly. I was hyper and a little bit giddy and it was fantastic.
I like food.
It's rainy! Perfect weather for staying in and trying to finish knitting my vest! When I'm done hopefully I can get Sam to model it and take some cool photos. And here she comes into my room!

going slightly mad.

I don't want to sleep. This is bad. This I know. This I am struggling to change. Trying to do it without meds. It's challenging, and because I only feel up to it about half the time, I'm not entirely sure of how successful I'll be. Going into it with fingers crossed, I guess, lol. That's not really an lol moment but oh well. I deflect with humor.

Pseudo-goodnight.

friends/rant

I've realized that I have no friends and it's my fault. and by "no", I mean "very few". I alienate myself when I'm depressed or overly anxious, like last fall when I pretty much bailed on all of my friends at Wesley. which really the only one I was close to is/was Katie. my other Wesley peeps have all moved to other cities anyway.

which brings me to loving the Brophys. Those boys are absolutely spectacular. I think Jason and I are starting to become closer, which seemed a bit odd to me at first, because I was sweet on him for so long, but it's really nice. it seems like we're just now realizing how much we have in common besides being goofy and just a little off, haha.

I miss Sam. She gets home on Monday though, which is amazing. it's just hard sometimes, because she tends to do the same thing as my mom - I'm not sure either of them can tell when I want their opinion/input versus when I just need them to listen. seriously though, Sam is hands down the best friend I have ever had. Thinking about all these other people I've called my "best friend" in the last 20 years and the only person who can even touch her is Mikey...and those are two different kinds of relationships so I shouldn't compare. I'll probably be fucked when we end up living in different states and, you know, having lives outside of Kzoo. I think that's why people get married. consistancy. they don't have to move across the country by themselves. they don't have to live by themselves. they don't even have to shower by themselves if they don't want to.

I think it's kinda weak though, you know? how can you learn about yourself if you've never been by yourself?

mini rant.

she's a maaaniac, maaaaaniac!

haha, all I can picture when I hear that song is Jennifer Beals in legwarmers.

I have new meds! ok, well, sorta. Dr. M. doubled my dose of oxcarbazepine and I'm back on Trazadone...which means I will SLEEP! for reasonable hours! and I won't be angry ALL THE TIME. brilliant.